apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize