Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize