Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
