I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
