apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and she was petting her beer can
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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