spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
