I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize