Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
