Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
