You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
