my vag is so smooth its legendary
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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