I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
