somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
