You just made me feel so damn special
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
