I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
