You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
do nipples grow back?
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