Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
