foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
