and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
