my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
