I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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