I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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