beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
