Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
