omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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