I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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