I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
