You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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