Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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