Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
