I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
