What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
