So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
