he thought i was a dude.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
