Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
