we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
