Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
