You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
