toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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