So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
