His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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