she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
