I didn't shave. On purpose
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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