It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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