The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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