We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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