so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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