I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
