He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
