In the future we'll all be gay
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
