I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
