if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
