Im at strip club and am horny
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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