he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm too high and old for this...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
